Jandom Rottings

Entries categorized as ‘Uncategorized’

Fat

June 29, 2009 · Leave a Comment

When I read this piece on the BBC website this morning, I thought it was incoherent and inadequately sourced. It quotes Michael McMahon of Nuffield Health, but offers no link to the interview or article in which he says what’s quoted. It says “Researchers found” and “The survey of over 2,000 individuals” without telling us which researchers and which survey. Without context, it’s impossible to hold Professor McMahon’s argument up to the light.

I forgot about it. Then, a couple of hours later, my friend Michael (who, if it matters, is as thin as a whippet) posted a link to the story on Facebook with the comment “Is it just me, or is this utter balls?” After a little discussion it was clear that it wasn’t just the rubbish reporting he objected to, but the hypothesis itself – which, if I’m reading aright, is that the presence of funny and talented fat people on TV makes it more acceptable to be fat.

Another commenter talked of fatism and ostracism. Another mentioned Friar Tuck, Fatty Arbuckle and Hattie Jacques. This story clearly irked some of my friends (and their friends).

There are a lot of factors that can reduce one’s life expectancy and quality of life. Three of them are achondroplasia, obesity and smoking. Achondroplasia, apparently, takes ten years off one’s life expectancy. And, obviously, there are difficulties involved in being a different size from the average. Of course, nobody lectures people with achondroplasia for being small. It’s not a lifestyle choice. It’s genetic. And media representations of dwarfs and midgets ought to be better – people are people first and foremost.

Smokers (I used to be one) are fools. Nobody is born a smoker. People choose to be smokers, and it is perfectly acceptable to point at them and laugh. Although if you love them you’re more likely to cry yourself to sleep. The media doesn’t glamourise smoking any more. The days when Bette and Bogart made smoking look cool are long gone.

So what about the fatties? McMahon, apparently (damn that stupid BBC post with no fucking links!) says that “fat stars are seen as role models, helping to make being overweight acceptable.” This is tricky because it’s not clear cut. On the one hand, people such as James Corden or Dawn French can make people who are overweight feel more assured about themselves (nothing new in this – William Conrad blazed that trail as Frank Cannon back in the Seventies). On the other hand, obesity is bad for your health and life expectancy. But it’s not like achondroplasia, and it’s not like smoking. Fat people aren’t necessarily fat because of their genes, and are not necessarily fat because they emulate that guy off Gavin and Stacey.

Categories: Uncategorized

Customer service

May 1, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I left my phone in the dressing-room last night, and I needed to check for voicemail today, about another job. So I rang my mobile number from the landline, pressed the star key, and entered the four-digit security code when prompted.

But I’d misremembered it. Bollocks. Tried again. Bollocks. I hadn’t needed to use this code for so long that I couldn’t remember it (yes, I know, I should write it down somewhere safe and private – noted for the future).

But, hey, they have customer service people, right? People whose professional raison d’être is to solve my klutzy self-inflicted problems and leave me with a rosy glow of well-being towards my fellow humans and the broad sunny uplands that technology will take us to. Or at least to give me back the information that I gave them when I registered my phone.

After the usual “If you’re losing the will to live, press 3″ hell, I got to talk to a human being. All the better, he had a lovely warm Scottish accent. He sounded like a nice guy, and I don’t doubt for a minute that he is. I’ll call him Andy (because that’s what he said his name was).

Andy: How can I help you?

Me: I’m trying to access my voicemail from a landline, because I don’t have my mobile with me, but I can’t remember my code number.

Andy: No problem, Mr Doherty, we’ll send you a new code.

Me: Great. Thanks. Oh, wait a minute – how will you send it to me?

Andy: I’m texting it to you now.

Me: To my mobile?

Andy: Yes.

Me: But I haven’t got my mobile. If I had my mobile, I wouldn’t need the code.

Andy: I’m sorry, that’s all I can do.

[The rest was just spluttering on my part].

So I’m heading for the theatre about three hours early just in case there’s a job-related voice message for me.

No hard feelings, Andy. You were doing your job.

But Vodafone: FUCK AWAY OFF!

Categories: Uncategorized

Cannot compute… cannot compute…

July 2, 2008 · Leave a Comment

From the boilerplate garbage at the foot of an email:

This e-mail (and any attachments) is confidential and may contain personal views which are not the views of the BBC unless specifically stated.
If you have received it in error, please delete it from your system.
Do not use, copy or disclose the information in any way nor act in reliance on it and notify the sender immediately.
Please note that the BBC monitors e-mails sent or received.
Further communication will signify your consent to this.

Further communication will signify your consent to this.

So if I reply “I don’t consent to these terms” I am signifying my consent… Daisy, Daisy, give me youuuuuur aaaaansweeer dooooooooo…

 

Categories: Uncategorized

Humphrey Lyttelton

May 4, 2008 · Leave a Comment

I subscribe to the ISIHAC mailing list, and on 18th April got the news that Humphrey Lyttelton was “detained in hospital for an operation to repair an aortic aneurysm.” Jon Naismith added:

Humph is otherwise fine and in very good spirits.  However, if you
wish to write him a get well message, send him an email to this
address with the subject ‘Get Well Humph’ and I’ll print it off for
him.  I imagine it’ll be nice for him to have something to read in his
hospital bed.

So, though I’m not given to fan letters, I sent one.

Greetings from Ireland. I have been listening to ISIHAC for over thirty years, and have never grown tired of it. I hope you return soon to give us more witterings from Mrs Trellis, illuminations of the complex concept that is “One song to the tune of another” and delightful slanders against Lionel Blair.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

I don’t suppose he ever read it, and I don’t suppose it’s different from the thousands of other messages that people sent. I’ll miss that dry wit. And where the hell am I supposed to get my fix of fellatio jokes at Sunday lunchtimes?

RIP.

Categories: Uncategorized

Far away from Apple lawyers

April 20, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Apple Inc isn’t best pleased that GreeNYC wants to trademark a stylised apple logo which, the corporation says, closely resembles its own and is likely to cause confusion and dilute Apple’s famous brand.

I don’t think they’re so very similar. Maybe Apple would have better luck sicking its lawyers on this coffee shop in Glengormley, Northern Ireland.

Categories: Uncategorized

And you thought your bank was unhelpful…

April 8, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Killer quote from this BBC story about a trader who found the contents of his safe-deposit had been eaten:

The bank says it put up a notice warning customers of the termites.

Categories: Uncategorized

The Big Word Project

February 28, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Saw this via Daring Fireball. Somewhere between conceptual art and viral marketing. I bought the word actor for myself, theatre for Rough Magic, and novelist for Pauline McLynn.

Big word project

Categories: Uncategorized
Tagged: , , ,